Dying inside but hanging on with faith!

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The intensity of the vibes around me is surreal I can’t explain it quite yet but it’s overwhelming to say the very least the constant buzzing around my ears.I’ve been reading up on and learning about arch angels and angel guides and the possibility of the gift of clairaudience.

I’ve always felt the presence and protection as I have lost all my parents and grandparents and have had so many close calls.Three years ago when I got divorced I also got baptized and became very spiritual. Although I’ve lost my way a few times over the last few years the one thing that brings me complete peace and comfort is talking to my higher power and my angels.

I can always  feel their presence as I am constantly healing emotionally,physically and spiritually. The way I see it, you have to believe in something and life is to short to be miserable. Whenever I loose my positive outlook or negative energy attachs to me the only thing that helps are my angels.

I have recently sunk deep. I drove a truck in the ditch and I honestly thought I was a gonner. It has literally taken  all the Life inside me because I’m trying to shake it off and go with the flow of thing’s. I’m Trying so hard to overcome the anxiety  from a couple weeks ago .

I guess noone gets it. I don’t expect them too its my problem. Just wish I had someone who wasn’t going through their own shit. Trying to believe in something greater and higher is not easy. Putting complete trust in something you can’t touch or see yet totally completely have faith. I’ve done this my whole life why is it so bard to do with someone I can see, touch feel and love.
Experience that’s why . I’m so afraid to let Go…cuz I’m not sure I can handle the crash. Such a big part of me  does yet this crazy girl who has done more dangerous shit than evil  K can’t let a feeling go. That shit is more dangerous to me than any physical pain. It affects me so deeply it feels like I’m paralysed.

My heart has been broken so many times and so many ways I can’t even count. Over and over I give my heart my trust and every time I get hurt and I get used or played or taken for granted. I admit there has been times in my life when I’ve made the wrong choices and picked the bad boy or known asshole against everyone’s advice.

I know what I am told but I’m so protective of myself anymore it seems like an impossible mission. I feel myself detaching daily and it’s painful. I am so tired of getting attached and close and then having to walk away.  But I’m giving it  to God and my angels because they never fail me never abandon me.

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