Incarcerated in my head

Deepest trouble I’ve ever known is the thoughts that circulate in my mind. Analytical or crazy sometimes I’m not even sure. I swear sometimes I feel incarcerated in my own head. How do I escape,how do I make them stop. The past ,the present the future and how each one affects the other. If I can’t let go of the past I risking destroying my present which utimatly affects my future.

So I pray real hard give it to God, give it to the angels, hell give it to someone because I don’t want them anymore . I want to live in the moment and I do but then they always circle back to the fucken betrayal and pain I endured from you.

I don’t want you to win and I truly thought I healed and every time some how you find your way back in my head. Creating doubts  and fears I try so hard to steer clear as I have forgiven you and I have moved on and so have you. So tell me how someone so cruel can still consume you?
So many people see me as aloof, but the truth be told I have the deepest  soul and a heart of gold and even with all the damage you caused I still care for you. I hear you are really sick now and some how I can’t stop worrying wishing I could be there for you . You don’t deserve it and I should hate you but here I am praying and sending healing thoughts to you. Now ask me about loyalty and being true. That’s depth and that’s heart something I never received from you.

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